Part Six: UnSocial Media
To: Wormwood
From: Screwtape
Subject: Cutting off
communications
Social media is like a high-powered rifle aimed directly at your heart. In the right hands, it can be very dangerous to our mission. The last thing we want is for those impish worms to talk with one another in any sort of meaningful manner. I am going to tell you how to take the bullets out of the gun and render social media useless.
You must first perpetuate the notion in the patient’s mind that social media is all about putting his company on stage. “Push” marketing is a sadly outdated concept, but you must keep it alive in the modern age. A captive audience is going to find a way out of the cage when they feel the cattle prod of “sell” in the last place they want to encounter it.
Distract the patient by any means possible from the realization that social media, just like any other form of human interaction, works best when he takes an active interest in others. Focus his energy on what he posts on his pages; encourage him to spend a great deal of time creating contests, giveaways and other bones to throw to his followers. Sure, these things can be used effectively, but sacrifices must sometimes be made for the greater bad. We prefer conditioning fans to respond to little rewards like Pavlov’s dog instead of any meaningful connection with the patient. If the patient begins to visit other people’s pages to comment on their posts, if he shares their content or engages in friendly conversation, our cause is in jeopardy.
Secondly, convince the patient that he can do it himself. He does not understand that there is very specialized art and strategy behind social media content and connection. Any number of things can hurt the do-it-yourselfer: Typos or grammatical errers hurt credibility (see what I mean?); inconsistency and lack of follow up render even the most sincere efforts ineffective. I do so enjoy when a patient fails to connect social media with the full scope of the company’s brand voice and integrate it with all of their communications!
The Enemy is highly trained in the art of building and converting digital relationships into deeper connections that lead to actual sales. He is, as our Latino-assigned agents would say, “El Rey de ROI.” Since he and his team are so efficient and effective, the Patient is able to produce returns for a disgustingly reasonable investment.
I have more to say on this topic, but these tips constitute a sufficiently large carcass for your feeble mind to feed on for now.
Your affectionate Uncle,
Screwtape
P.S. Impatience is a virtue. IF the patient thwarts your attempt and—devil forbid—hires the Enemy, all is not lost. Influence the patient to expect immediate results. If he quits within a few months, then the seeds that have been sown will stand little chance of germinating into sales.
Kelly Walker is Creative Director for Intrepid Marketing, a full-service marketing agency in Bend, Oregon. For more information: Kelly@intrepidforward.com. Feel free to share, post, and tweet this article—Just include the citation above.
