Emotional manipulation comes in many forms, which can be very subtle or downright blatant. Unfortunately, in the workplace, there’s often a power dynamic that makes manipulation all too easy and some people get away with it; particularly those in power (like your boss).
If your boss is constantly trying to guilt-trip you, you’re being manipulated. There’s simply no way around it. Even if your boss doesn’t consciously realize what they’re doing, the behavior is still wrong. That being said, let’s go over some helpful tips for shutting down a guilt trip and gaining control over your work environment. You don’t have to submit to this kind of behavior in the workplace!
Identify The Guilt Trip
Some guilt trips are just subtle enough to seem like genuine emotion, while others are so blatant that it’s clear what the end game is. Either way, identifying the behavior is the first step to addressing it. Let’s make something clear: you are being manipulated. Guilt-tripping is often a behavior that can be linked to other, more serious conditions and behaviors like gaslighting or emotional abuse. It should be taken seriously.
So, what is a guilt trip and how do you identify it? Guilt is a powerful emotion. It can motivate or inhibit action, breed feelings of resentment, sorrow, anger, and more. That’s why it’s so important to identify a guilt trip. When someone takes your own personal guilt and tries to use it against you or to gain something from you, it’s a guilt trip.
Let’s look at an example:
Your boss has been working late every night this week to make up for you being out for a few days. You were sick, and had to take time off. As soon as you return, he starts using the guilt you already feel to convince you to work later.
You’ve already been gone so many days, and I have to do extra work. You owe me.
I’m picking up all of your slack, the least you could do is this little favor.
Sound familiar? You’ve likely heard one or more variations of these statements. This is a guilt trip. Your boss is using the guilt you feel for missing a few days against you in order to achieve his desired outcome.
Great! You’ve identified a continuous pattern of guilt-tripping behavior on the part of your boss. What now?
Keep A Log
If you’re planning to go to HR or even confront your boss about the behavior, you’ll want something substantial to back up your side of things. Someone who uses guilt-tripping to get what they want will likely never admit what they’re doing, so it will be your word against his or hers. That’s where a log comes in.
You can document statements your boss has made that you feel are manipulative, and mark them with the date and time they occurred. You might be surprised just how often this behavior occurs throughout the day. Once you’ve established a few days or weeks’ worth of records, you have a much more substantial case to work with.
Confront or Not?
This is where things get a little tricky. Should you confront your boss? What happens if they get mad? More than likely, they’re going to become defensive, and, since the power dynamic swings in their favor, they could further manipulate you by flexing their “I’m the boss” card and threatening to fire you.
Ultimately, you should confront your boss, because it’s much easier to find another job than it is to find your confidence once it’s been eroded. You’re a person with feelings that deserves at the very least a respectful approach from your co-workers and supervisors. If you’re working for someone who uses emotional manipulation tactics, you’re better off working for someone else.
If you do decide to confront your boss, you don’t have to be rude or provocative about it. Simply let them know you’re aware of their behavior and how it’s affecting you. Standing your ground also helps build a better case, since you’re setting clearly-defined boundaries.
Seek Help
If your boss ignores your confrontation and boundaries, it’s time to go above their head to protect yourself. Take your case to the HR department and explain the situation in detail to your HR manager. Be sure to provide any logs and a date for when you spoke to your boss about those boundaries.
It can be pretty unsettling to “stir the pot” at work like this, and we get it, but at the end of the day, if you don’t stand up for yourself, no one will. Guilt-tripping is toxic behavior, period. Especially in a situation where one person holds a higher office than another. You have every right to stand up for yourself, and you owe it to yourself and your career to not be trampled over by a power-hungry supervisor or boss.
