In our current troubled times:unemployment, loss of your home, bankruptcy and more is placing additional burdens on many marriages and relationships. Adding to that, maybe there are problems with intimacy, children, alcohol or drugs or even infidelity. All our intimate connections are being tested right now; perhaps more than ever before.
Far too often, couples think of breaking up when they are struggling with financial problems. They are blinded from seeing any other alternatives. Yet, breaking up creates even more problems. Who moves out? Where will the money come from to move out? Can two people live cheaper than one? So before you compound your problems, wouldn’t it make sense to understand the sources of your conflicts to see if you could achieve a more loving outcome?
Yes, some marriages or relationships should end because they are not worth saving. Ending your relationship may be a wise choice when there is: physical, verbal, and/or emotional abuse in your home, out of control drug, alcohol, sex, gambling, or other addictions with no desire to get help in therapy.
It’s a shame that more emphasis isn’t put on learning effective conflict resolution and communication skills in high school so more couples could enter relationships with a solid foundation. But, it’s never too late! These skills can be learned and instead of the same knee-jerk reactions to one another, with newly gained insights, many couples can make the shift into a more healthy, loving relationship that can withstand life’s ups ‘n’ downs; working together as a team instead of as adversaries.
So, is breaking up worth it? Analyzing the pros and cons of your marriage or relationship, which could possibly improve, along with considering the permanent consequences from the break up for both of you is a necessary step in your evaluation. It’s so easy to want to make the hurting stop. But, what if you exchanged one set of hurts for a worse set of hurts? Then what?
Marital or Relationship Mediation can provide a safe place to examine your issues, resolve your conflicts, and find a practical solution; either to STAY TOGETHER or to PART AS FRIENDS. The grass always looks greener on the other side. Let’s see if your misery is so bad that you need to turn your lives upside down. Or, maybe with new insights and skills, you can save your marriage or relationship from a permanent scar that will go deeply into both your cores.
Barbara Sluder, J.D. has been a Mediator for the past 20 years. LOW-CO$T MEDIATION offers these services: Save Your Marriage; If Divorce is Your Only Solution, Part As Friends; Parent or Co-parent Your Children With Love; Experience Healthier Relationships; Reconnect With Your Children; Resolve Problems at Work; Keep Your Real Estate Transaction Together; Life Coaching. Contact Barbara at 541-312-5388. www.lowcostmediation.com.
